NoDude! :: If it ain't weird, it ain't here

USB self-destruct button

2006-07-25T09:02:00.000-12:00

Just imagine how cool this button will look on your desktop. I can imagine my sister's face if I pres this, the monitor turns white and the surround speakers produce a deafening sound of an explotion.

Really amazing underwater bubbles

2006-07-11T22:21:00.000-12:00

The japanese never cease to amaze me. Check this guy out.

Colbert - my hero

2006-07-09T22:08:00.000-12:00

If you, like me, were interested in some of the recent events in the U.S. - illegal wiretapping, wars started and fought without adequate reason, tax cuts, corporations passing bills in the senate, etc., etc. - you gonna like this roast of Bush by Colbert.

Sunday bloody sunday

2006-07-09T22:02:00.000-12:00

Stay tuned for more stupidy.

The giant bat-eating facehuger... err... centipede

2006-07-09T21:56:00.000-12:00

I saw this video of a giant centipede in a post where people were discussing ways to get rid of bats. I, personally, am right now looking into ways of protecting myself against centipedes.

P.S. here's a pic for the lazy

Mixed reality screen

2006-03-15T14:05:00.000-12:00

Remember the psot about the multitouch screen I bloged about a while ago. No? You've never even heard of me and you top that off by asking me what "blogging" is? Well screw you! I won't even show you this awesome screen!

Coolest animal ever.

2006-02-22T03:22:00.000-12:00

The Mantis Shrimp

seems to be on of the coolest animals that exist in my opinion, jsut check out some of the things it does.

When mantis shrimp dig on the seafloor and run into an obstacle, they strike it to try to break it and remove the obstacle, says Caldwell. So, typically, when an animal starts digging in an aquarium corner, she encounters glass. This "usually leads to their whacking the glass, chipping it, and just causing a leak." A few mantis shrimp though, over the years, have shattered the aquariums. "This usually happens when they attack their reflection or when they try to hit a teasing finger waving at them through the glass."

Just how cools is that?

How to dance like a honke

2006-02-16T07:58:00.000-12:00

This tutorial was very useful while I was trying to improve my dancefloor skills, I highly recommend it to anyone trying to learn advanced dance moves!

Best. Invention. Ever!

2006-02-13T10:06:00.000-12:00

I have... I have no comment on this one, it still makes me wanna cry video

Jesus H. Christ - I found a whole new aspect of being scared!

2006-02-03T06:56:00.000-12:00

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/02/03/wasp_performs_roachb.html

Practical German

2006-01-31T11:48:00.000-12:00

People do some inventive shit!

2006-01-08T12:56:00.000-12:00

Like the optical mouse/scanner.

P.S. I ripped the link off /. .

The mentality of a millionaire

2006-01-04T03:26:00.000-12:00

Chinese walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.He tells the loan officer that he is going to Taiwan on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Chinese replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there whеn I return?"

Is your son a HACKER?

2005-12-28T05:41:00.000-12:00

Edit: What was I thinking, ignorance to this extend is not possible. After reading it a couple more times, I come to the verdict that this is a prank article. Case dismissed.

As an enlightened, modern parent, I try to be as involved as possible in the
lives of my six children. I encourage them to join team sports. I attend their
teen parties with them to ensure no drinking or alcohol is on the premises. I
keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the shows they watch, the
company they keep and the books they read. You could say I'm a model parent. My
children have never failed to make me proud, and I can say without the slightest
embellishment that I have the finest family in the USA.
Two years ago, my wife Carol and I decided that our children's education would
not be complete without some grounding in modern computers. To this end, we
bought our children a brand new Compaq to learn with. The kids had a lot of fun
using the handful of application programs we'd bought, such as Adobe's Photoshop
and Microsoft's Word, and my wife and I were pleased that our gift was received
so well. Our son Peter was most entranced by the device, and became quite a pro
at surfing the net. When Peter began to spend whole days on the machine, I
became concerned, but Carol advised me to calm down, and that it was only a passing
phase. I was content to bow to her experience as a mother, until our youngest
daughter, Cindy, charged into the living room one night to blurt out: "Peter is
a computer hacker!"

As you can imagine, I was amazed. A computer hacker in my own house! I began to
monitor my son's habits, to make certain that Cindy wasn't just telling
stories, as she is prone to doing at times.

After a few days of investigation, and some research into computer hacking, I
confronted Peter with the evidence. I'm afraid to say, this was the only time I
have ever been truly disappointed in one of my children. We raised them to be
honest and to have integrity, and Peter betrayed the principles we tried to
encourage in him, when he refused point blank to admit to his activities. His
denials continued for hours, and in the end, I was left with no choice but to ban
him from using the computer until he is old enough to be responsible for his
actions.

After going through this ordeal with my own family, I was left pondering how I
could best help others in similar situations. I'd gained a lot of knowledge
over those few days regarding hackers. It's only right that I provide that
information to other parents, in the hope that they will be able to tell if their
children are being drawn into the world of hacking. Perhaps other parents will be
able to steer their sons back onto the straight and narrow before extreme
measures need to be employed.

To this end, I have decided to publish the top ten signs that your son is a
hacker. I advise any parents to read this list carefully and if their son matches
the profile, they should take action. A smart parent will first try to reason
with their son, before resorting to groundings, or even spanking. I pride myself
that I have never had to spank a child, and I hope this guide will help other
parents to put a halt to their son's misbehaviour before a spanking becomes
necessary.

1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?

Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers,
such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take
careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable, educational
and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps
will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider.

I would advise all parents to refuse this request. One of the reasons your son
is interested in switching providers is to get away from AOL's child safety
filter. This filter is vital to any parent who wants his son to enjoy the internet
without the endangering him through exposure to "adult" content. It is best to
stick with the protection AOL provides, rather than using a home-based
solution. If your son is becoming a hacker, he will be able to circumvent any
home-based measures with surprising ease, using information gleaned from various hacker
sites.

2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember
installing?

Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to
conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any
new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove
Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor",
"Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and force him to
remove the offending programs. He will probably try to install the software again,
but you will be able to tell that this is happening, if your machine offers to
"download" one of the hacker applications. If this happens, it is time to give
your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a
grounding.

3. Has your child asked for new hardware?

Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may
request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If
your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a
legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by
only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer.

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this
is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make
inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor
extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security
features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking.
AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you
have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one
request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him
well.

4. Does your child read hacking manuals?

If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do, you will be
able to determine a great deal about his opinions and hobbies. Children are at
their most impressionable in the teenage years. Any father who has had a
seventeen year old daughter attempt to sneak out on a date wearing make up and perfume
is well aware of the effect that improper influences can have on inexperienced
minds.

There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in bookshops today. A
few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by
Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by
Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling;
"Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral
and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond.

If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession, confiscate
them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to remove these
titles from their shelves. You may meet with some resistance at first, but even
booksellers have to bow to community pressure.

5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?

If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be
using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the
"command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet
services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is
breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to
limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes
each day.

6. Does your son use Quake?

Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting
place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of
various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of
this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not
acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully
locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your
concerns to the attention of his school.

7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour?

As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected
with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the
rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself
soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with
scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of
a real or electronic nature.

Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to talk about
this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is no problem, and that
you are imagining things. He may tell you that it is you who has the problem, and
you should "back off" and "stop smothering him." Do not allow yourself to be
deceived. You are the only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the
situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how much he
retreats into himself.

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation
system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before
the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which
was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by
hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers.
They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using
the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing
many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to
machines on the internet without using a telephone.

Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you
may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if
handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely
by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer
repaired by a professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the
machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will
have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new
hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without
destroying part of your hard disk surface.

9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a
hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may
wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to
match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear
pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such
hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them.
If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like
this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous
influences.

10. Is your son struggling academically?

If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams,
he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku" hacker
association. Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow
hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the
electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in
difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure
to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other
psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass,
and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and
physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time
drastically.

I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your child's
future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and dangerous activity, that may
land your child in prison, and tear your family apart. It cannot be taken too
seriously.

Look out brainbench

2005-12-23T06:53:00.000-12:00

One of the coolest guy's I've had the pleasure of working with just opened up his brand new employment testing site.

What's employment testing you ask? Just the smartest thing a company can take into consideration before hiring a prospect employee.

It puts the employee in question through a series of question with an increasing degree of difficulty depending on the person's knowledge and gives a pretty good idea of the person's technical competence on the subject at the end of the test. The best part of it is, all tests are free!

London Symphony Orchestra - Super Mario Brothers Theme

2005-12-14T06:17:00.000-12:00

First the hard techno mix and not this! No wonder people say culture is on a downslide...

I admire sailor men

2005-12-12T00:33:00.000-12:00

A depressed young woman from a Manhattan finishing school was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
"Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded. What did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I had an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to Europe, and every night he came and screwed me."
"He sure did, lady," said the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

Excuse Notes from Parents

2005-12-12T00:31:00.000-12:00

These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston...

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words were crossed out in the ( )'s]

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Cops say the darndest things!

2005-12-12T00:27:00.000-12:00

The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Sex, every marriage's foundation

2005-12-12T00:23:00.000-12:00

YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE TELLS IT ALL

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says,"those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers'license It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,"I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks,"How did you find that out?

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

The level of journalism these days...

2005-12-12T00:21:00.000-12:00

Funny News Article Headings

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted

Drunk gets nine months in violin case

Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents

Iraqi head seeks arms

Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?

Stud tires out

Prostitutes appeal to Pope

Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over

British left waffles on Falkland Islands

Lung cancer in women mushrooms

Eye drops off shelf

Teacher strikes idle kids

Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead

Squad helps dog bite victim

Enraged cow injures farmer with axe

Plane too close to ground, crash probe told

Miners refuse to work after death

Juvenile court to try shooting defendant

Stolen painting found by tree

2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter

Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years

Never withhold herpes infection from loved one

If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while

Cold wave linked to temperatures

Enfields couple slain; Police suspect homicide

Only in america (again)

2005-12-12T00:14:00.000-12:00

ANNUAL STELLA AWARDS

It's once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81 year old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the 'Stella Awards' for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.

THIS YEAR'S AWARDS GO TO:

5th Place (Tied)
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

5th Place (Tied)
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been a little provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence into the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier, during an argument.

2nd Place
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a Night Club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms. Walton was trying to sneak in the window of the Ladies Room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place!!!!!
This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago Motor home. On his trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he could not actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreational vehicles.

Australian humour and whatnot

2005-12-12T00:12:00.000-12:00

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burstout laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"... I just lost it."

Ball replacement procedures

2005-12-12T00:05:00.000-12:00

If the guy who wrote this gets a dime for each time someone laughs at it, he should be living in Hawai in no time!

Subject: Replacing mouseballs........
This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness.
It went to all field engineers regarding a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.
To whom this may concern
Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.
If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.
Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.
Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

Extra, Extra! NASA fakes moon landing... Read all about it!

2005-11-18T02:05:00.000-12:00

Yup, I'm convinced... Michael Moore's documentary couldn't, but heck, this is one fine piece of investigation.

Looking for a job?

2005-10-10T10:01:00.000-12:00

Check out this kick-ass job offer:

BANQUET LEAD HOUSEMAN
Excellent guest service skills are required
.......................
Must be able to bend, squat and lift up to 75 lbs on regular and continuous basis.
Must be able to push and pull carts and equipment weighing up to 250 lbs. on a regular and continuous basis. Computer skills, including knowledge of Microsoft Office product and Delphi an asset.

Thanks go out to Mitko a.k.a. the furry sex-machine

The new lithuanian president

2005-10-06T01:58:00.000-12:00

Is a sick, sick fuck as you can see.

I smell me some pussy

2005-10-02T21:46:00.000-12:00

What's next? Shit-odored shampoo?

P.S. I forgot the link to the pussy-flavored perfume.

90% of U.S. citizens declare TWAT against Australia

2005-10-02T21:34:00.000-12:00

The War Against Terror is a great thing ain't it?

Of course it is, if any obese, minimum-wage, high-school drop out motherfucker gets to play president and suggest where they should strike next it is.

Most of them don't know the first thing about the middle east and obviously don't know where Australia is (even though it's a big-ass country taking up a whole continent), but hell, they don't need to know where to find the big bad commies on the map, they have Indian programmers which already pre-set the coordinates in their ballistic missiles. Did I say commies? I meant terrorist, I forgot they're fighting terrorists now.

Go America, go (you fucking lardballs)!!!

Killer klowns from outer space

2005-09-22T01:53:00.000-12:00

I found this old movie poster at one of my local torrent sites.

Now, I can swallow the title - KILLER KLOWNS from outer space - obviously made up by an elementary school drop-out (notice the K in clown) in a catatonic state of inspiration getting his dick sucked by a two-bit crack whore. I can also swallow the plastic, floating clown head with popcorn meteors all around it.

The part that gives me the kick out of this whole deal is the yellow, no doubt threatening, line in space no one can eat ice cream!
Notice the exclamation mark, now THAT scared me shitless, in fact I'm still waiting for a scary clown head to deprive me of my ice cream privileges every time I wipe my ass.

The pope is smoked

2005-09-14T03:11:00.000-12:00

Year 1981
------------------
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Pope Died.

Year 2005
------------------
1. Prince Charles got married (again)
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe (again)
3. Pope Died.

In the future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry or Liverpool needs another European crown ... please warn the Pope!

Nice shurts

2005-09-04T09:41:00.000-12:00

Check out phatrags.com, I gotta say - they may not be creative and are even down right dirty, but I love 'em. Would've been nice if I could actually pay for them outside the US though.

Very honest job applicant

2005-08-31T03:23:00.000-12:00

Job-Application

This is a job application submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment ... and they hired him!

NAME: Greg Spelvin

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

Source - http://ripfiles.e-workers.de/fun/mcdonald.php
You might wanna check this one out too - http://ripfiles.e-workers.de/fun/shit.php

Pfaaaaahahaha LOL ROFLMAO

2005-08-24T10:00:00.000-12:00

That has to be THE stupidest banner ever created!!!! I pitty the fool who brings a giftpackage like that home to his wife!

One heck of an expensive dildo!

2005-08-24T09:10:00.000-12:00

You think you've seen it all with all those gold plated cellphones and diamond incrusted platinum watches... You ain't seen shit, looky here at this million quid vibrator...

Some search engine refferals

2005-08-21T01:55:00.000-12:00

It's not a good sign to have search engine refferals like mine :D

http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?q=fuck%20me%20sideways

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=ninkampoop

http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?q=sado+mazo+toy+master

All love Hilary Clinton

2005-08-21T00:59:00.000-12:00

Lord of the clocks 1-1a

2005-08-21T00:56:00.000-12:00

Lord of the clocks 1-1a must be (one of) the best lord of the rings flick I've ever seen, it's definetely a must see.

Holy crap - flash 8 is out!!!

2005-08-08T01:48:00.000-12:00

I know I don't write about stuff like that on the blog, but Jesus H. Christ, son of Virgin Mary (so on and so forth), look at the new friggin capabilities!!!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay cool commercial!

2005-08-05T08:01:00.000-12:00

Yeah, this is another link from filecabi.net, I'm in my filecabi.net period, so stop your bitching and watch the nice link uncle George gave you... You punk-ass, internet-addicted, flaming-fagotty, pimpled-faced virgin.

edit: Aaaaaaaaa... aaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha hhahahahah ahahahah hahah ahahhahahahahhahahah, this is so friggin funny it's not even pathetic. Take a look. Just take. Take a look ;o)

Great stuff!

2005-08-03T10:05:00.000-12:00

Another great video from filecabi.net, enjoy!

Pimp juice baby, pimp juice!

2005-08-02T22:43:00.000-12:00

Check this 404 responce from punkasspunk.com.

For the benefit of my lazy-ass readers, here's a copy of the text:

	The pornography cannot be displayed
The pornography you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing titillation difficulties, or you may need to adjust your trouser settings.
Please try the following: Click the Reload button, or try again later. If you typed the age request in the Request bar, make sure that it is legal in your area. To check your erection settings, click the Tool menu, and then click Intimacy Options. On the Erections tab, click Settings. The settings should match those provided by your local orgasm verification engine (LOVE) administrator or primary intimacy management partner (PIMP). If your Orgasm Administrator has enabled it, Microsoft Winblows can examine your network and automatically discover pornographic images. If you would like Winblows to try and discover them, click Detect Pornographic Images Some sites require 128-bit erection ability. Click the Help menu and then click About Intimacy Equipment to determine what strength genitals you have installed. If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure your Security settings can support it. Click the Tool menu, and then click Intimacy Options. On the Advanced tab, scroll to the Security section and check settings for Self-Confidence 2.0, Maturity 3.0, Positive Body Image 1.0. Click the Back button to try another dink. Cannot find smut or PNS Error Intimacy Equipment

Some funny shit homie

2005-07-25T05:18:00.000-12:00

This is the funniest "prank call" I've ever listened to in my life! Enjoy :D

Edit: another hilarious video from filecabi.net.

cool site

2005-07-19T09:39:00.000-12:00

Check out this baby. Looks pretty nice, I recommend it as a bedtime cure for small children and lactating women.

O_O

2005-07-14T08:38:00.000-12:00

I sooooo want one of these boat/huvercraft/plane thingies...

Laurie Lipton

2005-07-14T05:44:00.000-12:00

I found a site that belongs, in my humble opinion, to a very disturbed person. Her name is Laurie Lipton and to say her works are creepy is to put it mildly.

Edit:
I had to add this picture. It's titled Last Night I Dreamt that I Murdered Mommy - (1980)

Oh. My. Fucking. GOD!

2005-07-14T04:03:00.000-12:00

Oh. My. Fucking. G O D !

There was a webconference here in Sofia, Bulgaria and Artemij Lebedev was one of the spokespersons. To tell you the truth, the guy kinda looked like a bum and was articulate as a retard at prom night.

After a while I ended up on his site, where I saw he's not a bum, he's more of an appearance-challenged genius, rather than an intellectually-challenged dork and he actually makes good looking, well thought of, pretty little things for mass manufacturing.

Some (most) of them are not in production yet, but hopefully will be in the near future. Why hopefully you ask? Cause I found THIS keyboard as one of his soon-to-be-in-production industrial designs.

Cute lil critter

2005-07-13T09:34:00.000-12:00

Look how cute this little hairball is. Thanks go out to Vlado a.k.a. Penywise for sharing this with me.

Sparkler art

2005-07-11T07:38:00.000-12:00

I found this on boingboing. It's called Sparkler art and it's done by artists leaving their camera shutters open for a long time while the people they photograph draw shapes in the air with their sparklers. The results are breathtaking:

IQ test for blondes

2005-07-11T02:06:00.000-12:00

Oh yeah, oh yeah, I found this IQ test on the net and passed it with flying colors. Can you do it suckah?!?

You wish...

2005-07-05T07:35:00.000-12:00

...you know that chick, don't you?

Different people and prime numbers

2005-07-04T06:14:00.000-12:00

I was google-spell checking the word "ninkampoop" (yeah I do that, I'm illiterate, I know) and found this page. For your lazy asses' convenience, I'll post the text here.

Defining A Prime Number

The physicist says: "3 is prime... 5 is prime... 7 is prime... 9... well,
experimental error. 11 is prime... ..."

The mathematician says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime... therefore,
by induction on 2n-1, all odd numbers are prime."

The engineer says: "3 is prime... 5 is prime... 7 is prime... 9 is prime...
11 is prime... ..."

The chemist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime; well, I guess that's
enough data"

The Biologist says: "What's a prime?"

The programmer says: "Wait a minute, I think I have an algorithm from Knuth
on finding prime numbers... just a little bit longer, I've found the
last bug... no, that's not it... ya know, I think there may be a
compiler bug here - oh, did you want IEEE-998.0334 rounding or not?
- was that in the spec? - hold on, I've almost got it - I was up all
night working on this program, ya know... now if management would
just get me that new workstation that just came out, I'd be done by
now... etc., etc. ..."

The computer scientist says: "3 is prime... 5 is prime... 7 is prime...
7 is prime... 7 is prime... 7 is prime... ..."

The psychologist says: "3 is prime... 5 is prime... 7 is prime... 9 is
latently prime but repressing it... 11 is prime... ..."

The social scientist says: "3 is prime... 5 is prime... 7 is prime...
we'll pretend 9 is prime... 11 is prime... ..."

The statistician says : "3 is prime... 5 is prime... 7 is prime... from
samples surveyed, all odd numbers are prime..."

The politician says : "Some numbers are prime.. but the goal is to create
a kinder, gentler country where all numbers are prime... "

And with reference to the presidential campaign of 1992 :

Bill Clinton : "During the last twelve years, only the larger prime
numbers got the breaks. If you elect me, I'll see that only the prime
numbers over 200000 feel the heat, and the ones between 30000 and 50000
are taxed 13 % less than the difference between the current rate and .... "

George Bush : "Gotta be prime. Not divisible, that kinda thing... but
my opponent wants to be even and still be prime. Can't do that. Or even
the odd thing. Some odds are prime, that's the way it is. Saddam wanted
to be prime... experience with primes, that and character. We have more
primes now than four years ago..."

Ross Perot : "D'ya know how many primes there are in four trillion
dollars ? Let's just count 'em. Now I ran a business where we had a
lot of numbers. I know how to count..."

Dan Quayle : "What's a prime?"

Yoav add: "Therfore, by induction, Dan Quayle is either a biologist... NOT!!!
or a ninkampoop"

Wulffmorgenthaler daily comic strips

2005-07-04T01:41:00.000-12:00

Just thought I'd let you know about those two dudes who do a comic strip on k10k.net
Why haven't I posted about this earlier you ask? Cause I forgot. So sew me, here's a strip and shut up.

DJ/web designer/music video director/club promoter is robbed with Apple's latest product: the iGun.

Neverending fall

2005-07-03T21:12:00.000-12:00

Now that's some sick shit right there homie, it's a female manikin that falls endlessly through a field of variously sized spheres.

It'll either give you nightmares for a month or a hardon, depends on what you fancy.

Elftor - the comics

2005-06-28T10:59:00.000-12:00

I found an old post on a forum I visit somewhat regularly and it just struck me. I haven't posted about the Elftor comics on my blog yet. Visit this and this comic strips, if you're not hooked after reading them, you prolly have no business on the site whatsoever.

Funny commercial

2005-06-23T07:53:00.000-12:00

I got a responce to my last post with this. I'm still pissing my pants over it :D

Thanks go out to Vasko a.k.a. Casper.

Sweet, sweet revenge.

2005-06-23T07:44:00.000-12:00

A soldier stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear
John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as
follows:

"Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky.............."
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or
ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included
all the other pictures of the pretty girls he had collected from his
buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this
note:
"Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the f***
you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest
back to me.
Take care,
Ricky ..... "

Some lyrics...

2005-06-22T23:37:00.000-12:00

There's a song. The song is "Call the Ships to Port". The band is "Covenant". And the lyrics are... enlightening. They're posted on Nicco's blog. And please, please, please. When you read them, really try to look into the meaning. I promise you, you won't be the same ever again.

P.S. No, I'm not on heavy drugs, nor just got out of a relationship or had any major trauma recently.

Static-X, Start a War

2005-06-20T21:58:00.000-12:00

YES, YES, YES!!! Static-X have a brand new album, it rocks, it rulz, it's awesome, it's heavy, it's industrial, it's the best thing that's happened to me after Wisconsin Death Trip.

Buy it, steal it, download it or go to a club to listen to it, I don't care just hear it! That's an order!!!

Dolphin attempts rape on man.

2005-06-18T08:13:00.000-12:00

Check this out. Don't know about you, but it turns me on a bit...

Jerks are on my icq list!

2005-06-18T08:05:00.000-12:00

Thanked the dude from the previous post for the bumper stickers. He acted like an asshole and gave me another one... Jeez what a jerk!

Inertial Guidance Systems Explained
The following article is from the Canadian "Airspace Newsletter", issue 1/94 printed by the Transport Canada. I hope this article will be able to help you as much as it helped me to understand IGS!!!
Articles printed in Airspace Newsletter is a collection of letters from pilots and distribution of the articles from the newsletter is encouraged, as long as reference is made to the newsletter.

morteza@innovus.com

INERTIAL GUIDANCE SYSTEM SIMPLIFIED
We are not sure who the author of the following article is, however we feel that the article is one of the best, clearly defined descriptions of the magic that resides withing the aircraft's black boxes.

The aircraft knows where it is at all times. It knows this because it knows where it isn't. By subtracting where it is from where it isn't, or where it isn't from where it is (whichever is the greater), it obtains a difference, or deviation.

The Inertial Guidance System uses deviations to generate error signal commands which instruct the aircraft to move from a position where it is to a position where it isn't, arriving at a position where it wasn't, or now is. Consequently, the position where it is, is now the position where it wasn't; thus, it follows logically that the position where it was is the position where it isn't.

In the event that the position where the aircraft now is, is not the position where it wasn't, the Inertial Guidance System has acquired a variation. Variations are caused by external factors, the discussions of which are beyond the scope of this report.

A variation is the difference between where the aircraft is and where the aircraft wasn't. If the variation is considered to be a factor of significant magnitude, a correction may be applied by the use of the autopilot system. However, use of this correction requires that the aircraft now knows where it was because the variation has modified some of the information which the aircraft has, so it is sure where it isn't.

Nevertheless, the aircraft is sure where it isn't (within reason) and it knows where it was. It now subtracts where it should be from where it isn't, where it ought to be from where it wasn't (or vice versa) and intergrates the difference with the product of where it shouldn't be and where it was; thus obtaining the difference between its deviation and its variation, which is variable constant called "error".

Actual bumper Stickers

2005-06-18T07:43:00.000-12:00

Some dude I barely even know sent me this a few minutes ago, I was going to insult him for being a fucking spammer, but then I realized those bumper stickers are worth reading (or msot of them):

Actual Bumper Stickers
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... ...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....

Montana --- At least our cows are sane!

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

It's WORSE than you think, and they ARE out to get you.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be

Assimilated. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

Bad Cop! No donut!

This acid must be good. It feels like I'm driving!

Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?

BBC and Bulgaria

2005-06-15T03:06:00.000-12:00

I happened to find a post about Bulgaria on BBC a while ago and although it's pretty old I was pretty pleased to find it. You know why? Cause it's fucking hilarious... And it's not hilarious because it's a well made fiction, it's funny as hell cause it's a well told fact. Enjoy :o)

Transportation system toll collectors in Bulgaria.

...

2005-06-15T03:03:00.000-12:00

010010010110011000100000011110010110111101110101 00100000011000110110000101101110001000000111001 00110010101100001011001000010000001110100011010 0001101001011100110010000001111001011011110111010 100100000011011100110010101100101011001000010000 0011101000110111100100000011001110110010101110100 001000000110110001100001011010010110010000101110

Positive side of things

2005-06-11T11:49:00.000-12:00

I rarely find the time to post on my blog and even if I have the time to do so, I'm rarely in the mood to say something besides the link/text/picture so the chance for me to post daily declines geometrically; even though it's a tad late for me and I have nothing original or funny to say (again) I feel you should see this, because I strongly believe every person can reflect and learn from the man below:

[Actually, this isn't a joke - just a story I liked]
Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good or bad mood. The bottom line : It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business.

We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination.

The robbers panicked and shot him.

Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, 'He's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

Francie Baltazar-Schwartz

When russians get drunk...

2005-06-03T12:22:00.000-12:00

They end up like this guy.

Time to post something... Last post is so old, it seems to be written in latin.

2005-06-01T13:36:00.000-12:00

The fun of flying!

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet,
which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read
and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower
half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot
reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said
that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some
actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by
Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By
the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

NEVER FOLLOW - Audi quattro

Some fine-ass advertisment...

2005-05-11T12:30:00.000-12:00

Looky at these here firefox commercials. That's an order.

Grocery: Store Wars

2005-05-11T00:11:00.000-12:00

Sorry I'm not leaving a comment, but I'm still laughing my ass off about this http://www.storewars.org/flash/index.html

Woah! Real live micro machines.

2005-05-08T23:01:00.000-12:00

I remember old people telling stories about their youth and how hard it was back then... Well, I sure didn't live through no war and didn't have to walk barefoot 10 miles uphill to go to school, but I sure as hell didn't have a car set like this one.

Those are little hotwheel cars guided by infrared beacons. Which means you can make wacky track layouts like this one. Just look at the demo video, just look at it!

Those things are so awesome I'd give one of my ram banks for them. Good luck having fun with your misely train set from now on.

Source: boingboing

I see dumb people...

2005-05-03T02:48:00.000-12:00

Here's a picture, leave a comment :o)

Robbers aren't what they used to be...

2005-05-02T23:14:00.000-12:00

Remember the post about the stupid gunshop robber? Well turns out he was an inspiration to a whole bunch of wannabe robbers to do all sorts of retarted shit. Like drop their gun on the counter when trying to use it.

"Respect, bro!" - roflmao

2005-04-24T22:23:00.000-12:00

Ever been to Europe? More specifically eastern Europe. There are stories abot "well dressed businessmen" from time to time, but nothing beats the story I just read on the dailywtf forum, it's beyond hilarios, it's on a himour level of it's own!

So we were on that project in Wroclaw. Our client invited us for a dinner to LaScala restaurant on the town sqare. The restaurant was quite calm and quiet, but, as it sometimes happens, at the nearby table there was sitting a bunch of gentlemen, you know, with wide necks and lots of gold chains. They were using their mobile phones a lot, telling things like That guy on the truck is one of us or Take the BMW and drive it to Siergiej.

Our guys tryed to talk calmly and not to get their attention. Suddenly there is a phone call to Matt, somebody has some problems with a daemon on a production server, and Matt says: If you can't do it the other way, just kill him.

After the call, one of the genlemen turns around, looks at our guy, and says: Respect, bro!

source: thedailywtf

The gnarliest site ever (this month)!

2005-04-23T08:23:00.000-12:00

A colleague of mine sent me this site, don't remember who, but the site rocks like mount Rushmore!

Press me. Press me, press me, press meeeee!

2005-04-21T02:02:00.000-12:00

Looky here, you just can't stop clicking it, you just can't!

The epiphany of its coolnes came from seer.

A plain request.

2005-04-16T11:56:00.000-12:00

I'm not fast enough to click on plain black dots, therefore I suck. Could someone who doesn't suck, please finish level 2 of this game and tell me what follows. Pretty please.

Say hello to eternal damnation.

2005-04-16T01:04:00.000-12:00

Looky at this here purity test. It says I'm only 21% pure and I swear it wasn't the underaged girls and gangbang sex that got me... Honest! Anyway, check t out. See how much you'll burn }:o)

Very weird...

2005-04-11T23:48:00.000-12:00

A friend of mine sent me this by e-mail, check it out, it's got a point.

Think of a letter between
A and W.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Repeat it
out loud as
you scroll down.
.
.
.

.
.
.
Keep going . . .
Don't stop . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Think of an
animal
that begins
with that letter.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
Repeat it
out loud
as you scroll down.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
Think of
either a man's/woman's name
that
begins
with the
last letter
in the
animal's name
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
Almost
there........
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
Now
count out
the letters
in that name
on the fingers
of the hand
you are not
using to
scroll down.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Take the
hand you
counted with
and hold it out
in front of you
at face level
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Look at your
palm
very closely
and
notice
the
lines
in
your
hand
.
.
.
.
Do the lines
take the
form of the
first letter
in the
person's name?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. Of course not......
.
.
.
Now smack
yourself in the head, get a life,
and
quit playing
stupid
online games!

Thanks to Krystal for bringing this to my attention :o)

I'm back! Yes, I'm back! (as if anyone cares)...

2005-04-09T07:32:00.000-12:00

Looky here dudes and chicks, after a 20 day silence I'm here and with a new job on top of that. Out with the old customer support job, in with the new webdeveloper job! And a developer at http://aplus.net at that. Anyway, here's a few links I fount interesting enough to keep during my long yeas... errr... months... days that is... I mean days, days of silence. Nywayz, here they are:

Net Disaster - on the technical side, nothing special. On the funny side however I give it 6.5 out of 10 (which is pretty good)!

Ecrans transperants - now this is just awesome, you should definitely check it out. DE FI NI TE LY!

Coffee art - now this is just plain cool. Very, very cool!

PSP is out!!!

2005-03-22T18:31:00.000-12:00

The playstaion portable is due to be out any moment now in the U.S. and it's already out in Japan! Can't wait for them to hit Europe, I soooooooo want one of these!!!

A site with impact...

2005-03-22T01:51:00.000-12:00

Warning, this site is [P] rated - P stands for psycho, but if you're into this kind of thing you can play with it for half an hour. I know for fact that if you start, there's no stopping till the end.

Educate yourself on fats!

2005-03-21T14:51:00.000-12:00

Gee, I never knew there's a site on farts before! Please, visit and find out the answers to some astonishing, mind blowing questions like:

Is it really possible to ignite farts?

Is is possible that, by inhaling other people's farts all day long, my own farts will smell more?

Is it possible to get stoned after inhaling two or three farts in a row?

Is it possible for a fart to kill you?*

If you fart in the bathtub, is the water polluted and should you refill the tub?

Is it possible to capture a fart in a jar and save it for later use?*

What color is a fart?

I don't know what those people eat, but for a person to ask THAT kind of questions, he must have some REALLY mean farts!!!

P.S. About the questions marked with an * ... I just want to say. You sick, sick fuck!!! If you're gonna kill people, don't go around doing it with farts in a jar; use a more humain method! Like stabbing them with paperclips to death!!!

P.P.S. I forgot to tell you. The main site http://smellypoop.com, doesn't sell poop anymore. Their order page says someone enlightened them it's not legal to do so. Gee, wiz, gosh, golly, you'd think that's fucking obvious!

Robot rage at eBay

2005-03-20T15:41:00.000-12:00

Some idiots never cease to amaze me. Like it wasn't bad enough some dude uses tits and ass to sell his crappy hardware, now some smart-ass motherfucker is trying to sell his kid's doodles by blackmailing us he'll otherwise take the kid's crayons...

How's that for a model parent? No, I don't care how cute it is, I still hate it! Get a job you hobo.

OMG, Pixar is teh roxor!!!!!!1111oneoneone

2005-03-20T05:19:00.000-12:00

The Pixar people are so cool, just look at the animators' workplaces, wouldn't you want to live there? Wouldn't you? If I were a midget animator at Pixar, I'd be the happiest midget ever!

Munching on soap bars for science...

2005-03-19T14:16:00.000-12:00

I like this guy. I like him alot. He eats soap for crying out loud! Not only that, he also eats hair-removal porducts and bathroom cleaners!!!

I really have no comment on this one, the shere stupidity of it will be spoiled by me trying to sound snidey...

Happy hour!

2005-03-19T00:58:00.000-12:00

Some jokes I just couldn't resist posting:

Same differents:

It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked
her what her name was and she replied, "Happy Butt." The teacher said,
"Honey I don't think that's your name you need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."
So she went to the principal's office and he asked,
"What's your name?"
And the little girl said,
"Happy Butt."
The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out
once and for all. After getting off the phone he looked at the little
girl and said, "Honey, your name's is Gladys, not Happy Butt."
The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt" what's the difference?

Deep Political Shit:

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Big plans:

George W. Bush and Tony Blair are at a White House dinner. One of the important guests walks over to them and asks what they are talking about.
"We are making up the plans for WW III" says Bush. "Wow" says the guest. "And what are the plans?" "We are gonna kill 14 million Muslims and one dentist", answers Bush. The guest looks to be a bit confused. "One...dentist?", he says. Why? Why will you kill one dentist?"
Blair pats Bush on the shoulder and says, "What did I tell you? Nobody is gonna ask about the Muslims."

Dumb blonde:

A blonde went into a message center overseas to send a message back to her mother in the States. The clerk told her the price, but she claimed she had no money. But I'd do anything to get a message to my dear sweet mother." The clerk arched his eyebrow and grinned. "Anything?" he asked. "Yes, anything!" the blonde promised. So they went together to the back room and he closed the door. He instructed her, "Get down on your knees." She did. "Lower my zipper." She did. "Now take it out." She reached in, grabbed it with both hands, and then paused. He whispered through closed eyes, "Well? Go ahead." The blonde slowly brought it to her lips and said, "Hello, Mom? Can you hear me?"

Succeed:

There was a man (John) whose greatest dream was to climb Mount Everest.
One day he was given the opportunity to do that so he decided to set off without any hesitation.
After a week of climbing he reached a beautiful clearing where he saw a beautiful woman.
He looked at her and suddenly heard the voice of god:
- ok.. John, choose - do you want to fuck her or succeed?
- I wanna succeed! I wanna succeed! - he replied and continued climbing.
After another week he saw another beautiful woman but this time she was completely naked!
And again he heard the voice of god:
- John, choose - do you want to fuck her or maybe you want to succeed?
- I wanna succeed!! - said John.
So he went on climbing... Finally, after next week he reached the summit...
He looked around and saw nothing interesting at all... except for one guy, very big and filthy black guy who was standing there...
The guy approached him:
- Hi, I'm Sid

Do you know... Zie Germans?

2005-03-16T23:19:00.000-12:00

Funniest thing that I've ever read... today. Period!

The European Union Commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

1. In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".. Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion but typewriters kan have one less letter.
2. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
3. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful and they would go.
4. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".
5. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plac....

How to make a profit

2005-03-16T22:50:00.000-12:00

I like this guy's strategy. He got himself a big-titted, round-assed girl and a couple of poorie, second hand computer parts, that he even says, doesn't know for a fact they are functional, but wants to sell anyway.

You may not see the connection, but sex my friend sells everything and this chick isn't showing off her bombshells and halfmoons for nothing.

This guy is gonna go far if he's into marketing (or porn), but come to think about it I don't like him. I only like the girl in the photos, she looks nice and wholesome; someone I can introduce to my mom.

Racism at its funniest

2005-03-15T23:02:00.000-12:00

Here's a quote I dug up from bash.org. It's funny as hell, I'll read it a couple of more times when I post it:

[RvLeshrac] [Terrorists] Shit, maybe we shouldn't take hostages from countries whose people are more insane than us.
[RvLeshrac] [China] You give back hostages, or we kill all muslim.
[NegaDuk] i think if they piss off china too much, they'll find that china, the US, and britain will turn the middle east into a big walmart parking lot
[RvLeshrac] [China] We use nuke. What we care you nuke us? We have billion more people.
[NegaDuk] [China] nuke beijing. we tried sars. it no work
[RvLeshrac] [China] We stop birth restriction, we make billion more. Three day.
[NegaDuk] i think china's just being antisocial so someone will thin their population
[RvLeshrac] Seriously.
[RvLeshrac] China's answer to anything should be "We stop birth restrictions"
[RvLeshrac] [US] Stop flooding our markets with cheap goods, or we stop selling you soybeans. [China] We stop birth restriction! [US] Fuck. OK, OK! You can have the damned soybeans!
[RvLeshrac] I bet that was the real reason Clinton gave them our satellite codes.
[RvLeshrac] [China] You give us code, or we flood world with chinese!
[RvLeshrac] [China] All your shirt shrink up like penis in arctic.
[NightStar] damn those bad chinese laundry places
[RvLeshrac] [China] You never get decent haircut. You explain to women why no manicure.
[RvLeshrac] [China] We own you like Hong Kong.

You can vote for it at its source.

Microsoft helpdesk conversations

2005-03-14T07:39:00.000-12:00

The Microsoft people have nerves of steel. And I'm not talking about impudent manner they release their bug ridden software with. No, no, no. I'm talking about something faaaaaaaaaaaaar worse!

Customers in need of helpdesk support. Here are some actual conversations between the primates and the good people from Microsoft Corp.

1 ph34R t3h g00gL3 p30pL3

2005-03-14T07:16:00.000-12:00

You know about the "all your base are belong to us" syndrome right? Even if you didn't, now you do. It's this wacky "sort of English" used by IRC and Gamer nerds when they encounter newbies/pwn someone...

Sooooooo... I always thought Google people were great and all that, but never, ever even imagined they're IRC freaks. Anyway, here's the funniest thing I've ever seen (today).

Kid jerks off in co-students' brownies

2005-03-12T01:12:00.000-12:00

I recently read the story about the ejaculated frosting a kid used to make a batch of brownies with which he then gave to his fellow students. His excuse was they put peanut-butter in his cheese sandwich and that made him angry.

I dunno about you, but I bet his mom is one of those sweet little house-wives, that ask questions like "Did the new cat bother you too hun?" when their little twisted fuck of an offsrping twists the cat's neck and rips out it's intestines.

That kid better get a new dad to beat his ass a little, cause I already see sexual perversions and violence in a single psychotic little package and that ain't good I tell ya!

Bowling ball scares the shit out of burglars

2005-03-11T02:22:00.001-12:00

The Telegraph reports a sci-fi ball that's gonna be used to scan for and take pictures of burglars while they shit them selves speechless when looking at it.

It uses all kinds of nifty little devices like cameras, infrared detectors, pendulums, radars, cold fusion reactors, telechenetic movement, mind control emmiters and black hole generators... Alright. Maybe I've exagerrated a little, but it does use cameras and pendulums and stuff.

It's also fast, round and very, very shiny! Which, if you've watched enough sci-fi horror flicks, is extremely scary!

The only problem with it is that it just can't handle stairs, which makes it kinda useless if you live in some normal building, but if your home doesn't offer obstacles as stairs, like a park bench or a street alley for example, you've got nothing to worry about.

Linking spree... again.

2005-03-09T05:29:00.000-12:00

Check out this wacky comic strip. It calls newspapers dinasour blogs, it's fucking hilarious.

You should find homosexual necrophiliac ducks an interesiting read as well. It links to yet another kick-ass story. The crack-smoking professor who wants to teach monkeys his bad habbits.

Good thing I don't pay taxes, God knows what those idiots would use my money for. Something about madness in mosquitoes living near refineries comes to mind though.

Talk more with less frustration...

2005-03-04T08:27:00.000-12:00

Remember the good ol' 70s and 80s, where all those cell-phone thingies didn't exist? Me neither. But if you do remember those times and happen to like them, then you'll probably love this stationary phone-handle... It plugs in your cell phone and works instead of the regular hands-free. Now ain't that cool. Yeah, I hate it too.

Linking spree...

2005-03-03T10:12:00.000-12:00

I'm too damn lazy to post 3 new articles and I'm sure as hell too tired to come up with some decent comments on them, so here they are:

An artificial fly-eating plant that belches when it manages to eat something (kinda like my roomate).

A garden dedicated to hippies (and other wildlife forced to live in the urban areas).

A kinky, oldschool ASSvibrator.

The source is no other than boingboing. Alright now, bye bye then.

I wannit, I wannit, I wannit, I wannit!!!

2005-03-01T03:13:00.000-12:00

You! Yeah, you! The one reading my blog. Give me $555,000 to buy the base model of the 2005 Saleen S7 Twin Turbo or I'll blow that cute fucking kittie's brains out!

Am I ser... Am I serious?!?! Of course I'm fucking serious, just look at it. Just look at it!!!

From the:
front
side
back
inside

And I still don't believe this car is for real, maybe it's a 3d render or something. It's too fucking beautiful to be real.

P.S. Excuse the excessive use of the word fuck, it's there to emphasize my excitement about this car. Thank you.

Jump to stop global warming...

2005-02-26T04:36:00.000-12:00

There's a site that wants 600 million people jumping simultaneously to drive the Earth out of its orbit, which would, in theory (their theory) prevent global warming.

I'm absolutely stupified... Could somebody with an actual science degree please explain to me the kinetic energy required to make such a dramatic change in the Earth's orbit, I would sure appreciate it, cause this whole jumping in the name of Earth sounds like a shitload of hippie bull crap to me.

Some kitchen hardware...

2005-02-24T20:07:00.000-12:00

Found these through boing boing:

The spooky voodo knife-holder

The Tiki mugs

I gotta say I wouldn't mind owning eiher of these babies. Especially the creepy knife-holder.

Turns out I'm a paedophile...

2005-02-24T02:09:00.000-12:00

At least according to the paedophile test I am... Dunno how accurate it is, but it's funny as hell!

P.S. What!?!?! I even failed the test with the 13-year-olds... Gotta move to Taiwan or something, I hear you can hit on 13-year-olds all you want there!