USB self-destruct button

Just imagine how cool this button will look on your desktop. I can imagine my sister's face if I pres this, the monitor turns white and the surround speakers produce a deafening sound of an explotion.

Really amazing underwater bubbles

The japanese never cease to amaze me. Check this guy out.

Colbert - my hero

If you, like me, were interested in some of the recent events in the U.S. - illegal wiretapping, wars started and fought without adequate reason, tax cuts, corporations passing bills in the senate, etc., etc. - you gonna like this roast of Bush by Colbert.

Sunday bloody sunday

Stay tuned for more stupidy.

The giant bat-eating facehuger... err... centipede

I saw this video of a giant centipede in a post where people were discussing ways to get rid of bats. I, personally, am right now looking into ways of protecting myself against centipedes.

P.S. here's a pic for the lazy

Mixed reality screen

Remember the psot about the multitouch screen I bloged about a while ago. No? You've never even heard of me and you top that off by asking me what "blogging" is? Well screw you! I won't even show you this awesome screen!

Coolest animal ever.

The Mantis Shrimp

seems to be on of the coolest animals that exist in my opinion, jsut check out some of the things it does.

When mantis shrimp dig on the seafloor and run into an obstacle, they strike it to try to break it and remove the obstacle, says Caldwell. So, typically, when an animal starts digging in an aquarium corner, she encounters glass. This "usually leads to their whacking the glass, chipping it, and just causing a leak." A few mantis shrimp though, over the years, have shattered the aquariums. "This usually happens when they attack their reflection or when they try to hit a teasing finger waving at them through the glass."

Just how cools is that?

How to dance like a honke

This tutorial was very useful while I was trying to improve my dancefloor skills, I highly recommend it to anyone trying to learn advanced dance moves!

Best. Invention. Ever!

I have... I have no comment on this one, it still makes me wanna cry video

Jesus H. Christ - I found a whole new aspect of being scared!

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/02/03/wasp_performs_roachb.html

Practical German

People do some inventive shit!

Like the optical mouse/scanner.

P.S. I ripped the link off /. .

The mentality of a millionaire

Chinese walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.He tells the loan officer that he is going to Taiwan on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Chinese replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there whеn I return?"

Is your son a HACKER?

Edit: What was I thinking, ignorance to this extend is not possible. After reading it a couple more times, I come to the verdict that this is a prank article. Case dismissed.



As an enlightened, modern parent, I try to be as involved as possible in the
lives of my six children. I encourage them to join team sports. I attend their
teen parties with them to ensure no drinking or alcohol is on the premises. I
keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the shows they watch, the
company they keep and the books they read. You could say I'm a model parent. My
children have never failed to make me proud, and I can say without the slightest
embellishment that I have the finest family in the USA.
Two years ago, my wife Carol and I decided that our children's education would
not be complete without some grounding in modern computers. To this end, we
bought our children a brand new Compaq to learn with. The kids had a lot of fun
using the handful of application programs we'd bought, such as Adobe's Photoshop
and Microsoft's Word, and my wife and I were pleased that our gift was received
so well. Our son Peter was most entranced by the device, and became quite a pro
at surfing the net. When Peter began to spend whole days on the machine, I
became concerned, but Carol advised me to calm down, and that it was only a passing
phase. I was content to bow to her experience as a mother, until our youngest
daughter, Cindy, charged into the living room one night to blurt out: "Peter is
a computer hacker!"

As you can imagine, I was amazed. A computer hacker in my own house! I began to
monitor my son's habits, to make certain that Cindy wasn't just telling
stories, as she is prone to doing at times.

After a few days of investigation, and some research into computer hacking, I
confronted Peter with the evidence. I'm afraid to say, this was the only time I
have ever been truly disappointed in one of my children. We raised them to be
honest and to have integrity, and Peter betrayed the principles we tried to
encourage in him, when he refused point blank to admit to his activities. His
denials continued for hours, and in the end, I was left with no choice but to ban
him from using the computer until he is old enough to be responsible for his
actions.

After going through this ordeal with my own family, I was left pondering how I
could best help others in similar situations. I'd gained a lot of knowledge
over those few days regarding hackers. It's only right that I provide that
information to other parents, in the hope that they will be able to tell if their
children are being drawn into the world of hacking. Perhaps other parents will be
able to steer their sons back onto the straight and narrow before extreme
measures need to be employed.

To this end, I have decided to publish the top ten signs that your son is a
hacker. I advise any parents to read this list carefully and if their son matches
the profile, they should take action. A smart parent will first try to reason
with their son, before resorting to groundings, or even spanking. I pride myself
that I have never had to spank a child, and I hope this guide will help other
parents to put a halt to their son's misbehaviour before a spanking becomes
necessary.

1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?

Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers,
such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take
careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable, educational
and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps
will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider.

I would advise all parents to refuse this request. One of the reasons your son
is interested in switching providers is to get away from AOL's child safety
filter. This filter is vital to any parent who wants his son to enjoy the internet
without the endangering him through exposure to "adult" content. It is best to
stick with the protection AOL provides, rather than using a home-based
solution. If your son is becoming a hacker, he will be able to circumvent any
home-based measures with surprising ease, using information gleaned from various hacker
sites.

2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember
installing?

Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to
conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any
new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove
Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor",
"Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and force him to
remove the offending programs. He will probably try to install the software again,
but you will be able to tell that this is happening, if your machine offers to
"download" one of the hacker applications. If this happens, it is time to give
your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a
grounding.

3. Has your child asked for new hardware?

Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may
request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If
your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a
legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by
only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer.

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this
is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make
inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor
extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security
features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking.
AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you
have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one
request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him
well.

4. Does your child read hacking manuals?

If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do, you will be
able to determine a great deal about his opinions and hobbies. Children are at
their most impressionable in the teenage years. Any father who has had a
seventeen year old daughter attempt to sneak out on a date wearing make up and perfume
is well aware of the effect that improper influences can have on inexperienced
minds.

There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in bookshops today. A
few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by
Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by
Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling;
"Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral
and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond.

If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession, confiscate
them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to remove these
titles from their shelves. You may meet with some resistance at first, but even
booksellers have to bow to community pressure.

5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?

If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be
using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the
"command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet
services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is
breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to
limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes
each day.

6. Does your son use Quake?

Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting
place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of
various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of
this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not
acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully
locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your
concerns to the attention of his school.

7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour?

As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected
with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the
rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself
soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with
scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of
a real or electronic nature.

Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to talk about
this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is no problem, and that
you are imagining things. He may tell you that it is you who has the problem, and
you should "back off" and "stop smothering him." Do not allow yourself to be
deceived. You are the only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the
situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how much he
retreats into himself.

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation
system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before
the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which
was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by
hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers.
They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using
the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing
many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to
machines on the internet without using a telephone.

Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you
may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if
handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely
by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer
repaired by a professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the
machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will
have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new
hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without
destroying part of your hard disk surface.

9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a
hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may
wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to
match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear
pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such
hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them.
If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like
this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous
influences.

10. Is your son struggling academically?

If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams,
he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku" hacker
association. Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow
hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the
electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in
difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure
to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other
psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass,
and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and
physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time
drastically.

I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your child's
future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and dangerous activity, that may
land your child in prison, and tear your family apart. It cannot be taken too
seriously.

Look out brainbench

One of the coolest guy's I've had the pleasure of working with just opened up his brand new employment testing site.

What's employment testing you ask? Just the smartest thing a company can take into consideration before hiring a prospect employee.

It puts the employee in question through a series of question with an increasing degree of difficulty depending on the person's knowledge and gives a pretty good idea of the person's technical competence on the subject at the end of the test. The best part of it is, all tests are free!

London Symphony Orchestra - Super Mario Brothers Theme

First the hard techno mix and not this! No wonder people say culture is on a downslide...

I admire sailor men

A depressed young woman from a Manhattan finishing school was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
"Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded. What did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I had an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to Europe, and every night he came and screwed me."
"He sure did, lady," said the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

Excuse Notes from Parents

These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston...

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words were crossed out in the ( )'s]

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Cops say the darndest things!

The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Sex, every marriage's foundation

YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE TELLS IT ALL

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says,"those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers'license It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,"I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks,"How did you find that out?

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

The level of journalism these days...

Funny News Article Headings

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted

Drunk gets nine months in violin case

Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents

Iraqi head seeks arms

Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?

Stud tires out

Prostitutes appeal to Pope

Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over

British left waffles on Falkland Islands

Lung cancer in women mushrooms

Eye drops off shelf

Teacher strikes idle kids

Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead

Squad helps dog bite victim

Enraged cow injures farmer with axe

Plane too close to ground, crash probe told

Miners refuse to work after death

Juvenile court to try shooting defendant

Stolen painting found by tree

2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter

Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years

Never withhold herpes infection from loved one

If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while

Cold wave linked to temperatures

Enfields couple slain; Police suspect homicide

Only in america (again)

ANNUAL STELLA AWARDS

It's once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81 year old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the 'Stella Awards' for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.

THIS YEAR'S AWARDS GO TO:

5th Place (Tied)
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

5th Place (Tied)
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been a little provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence into the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier, during an argument.

2nd Place
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a Night Club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms. Walton was trying to sneak in the window of the Ladies Room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place!!!!!
This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago Motor home. On his trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he could not actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreational vehicles.

Australian humour and whatnot

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burstout laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"... I just lost it."

Ball replacement procedures

If the guy who wrote this gets a dime for each time someone laughs at it, he should be living in Hawai in no time!

Subject: Replacing mouseballs........

This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness.

It went to all field engineers regarding a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.

To whom this may concern
Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.

Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

Looking for a job?

Check out this kick-ass job offer:

BANQUET LEAD HOUSEMAN
Excellent guest service skills are required
.......................
Must be able to bend, squat and lift up to 75 lbs on regular and continuous basis.
Must be able to push and pull carts and equipment weighing up to 250 lbs. on a regular and continuous basis. Computer skills, including knowledge of Microsoft Office product and Delphi an asset.

Thanks go out to Mitko a.k.a. the furry sex-machine