Elftor - the comics

I found an old post on a forum I visit somewhat regularly and it just struck me. I haven't posted about the Elftor comics on my blog yet. Visit this and this comic strips, if you're not hooked after reading them, you prolly have no business on the site whatsoever.

Funny commercial

I got a responce to my last post with this. I'm still pissing my pants over it :D

Thanks go out to Vasko a.k.a. Casper.

Sweet, sweet revenge.

A soldier stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear
John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as
follows:

"Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky.............."
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or
ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included
all the other pictures of the pretty girls he had collected from his
buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this
note:
"Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the f***
you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest
back to me.
Take care,
Ricky ..... "

Some lyrics...

There's a song. The song is "Call the Ships to Port". The band is "Covenant". And the lyrics are... enlightening. They're posted on Nicco's blog. And please, please, please. When you read them, really try to look into the meaning. I promise you, you won't be the same ever again.

P.S. No, I'm not on heavy drugs, nor just got out of a relationship or had any major trauma recently.

Static-X, Start a War

YES, YES, YES!!! Static-X have a brand new album, it rocks, it rulz, it's awesome, it's heavy, it's industrial, it's the best thing that's happened to me after Wisconsin Death Trip.

Buy it, steal it, download it or go to a club to listen to it, I don't care just hear it! That's an order!!!

Dolphin attempts rape on man.

Check this out. Don't know about you, but it turns me on a bit...

Jerks are on my icq list!

Thanked the dude from the previous post for the bumper stickers. He acted like an asshole and gave me another one... Jeez what a jerk!

Inertial Guidance Systems Explained

The following article is from the Canadian "Airspace Newsletter", issue 1/94 printed by the Transport Canada. I hope this article will be able to help you as much as it helped me to understand IGS!!!

Articles printed in Airspace Newsletter is a collection of letters from pilots and distribution of the articles from the newsletter is encouraged, as long as reference is made to the newsletter.

morteza@innovus.com

---

INERTIAL GUIDANCE SYSTEM SIMPLIFIED

We are not sure who the author of the following article is, however we feel that the article is one of the best, clearly defined descriptions of the magic that resides withing the aircraft's black boxes.

The aircraft knows where it is at all times. It knows this because it knows where it isn't. By subtracting where it is from where it isn't, or where it isn't from where it is (whichever is the greater), it obtains a difference, or deviation.

The Inertial Guidance System uses deviations to generate error signal commands which instruct the aircraft to move from a position where it is to a position where it isn't, arriving at a position where it wasn't, or now is. Consequently, the position where it is, is now the position where it wasn't; thus, it follows logically that the position where it was is the position where it isn't.

In the event that the position where the aircraft now is, is not the position where it wasn't, the Inertial Guidance System has acquired a variation. Variations are caused by external factors, the discussions of which are beyond the scope of this report.

A variation is the difference between where the aircraft is and where the aircraft wasn't. If the variation is considered to be a factor of significant magnitude, a correction may be applied by the use of the autopilot system. However, use of this correction requires that the aircraft now knows where it was because the variation has modified some of the information which the aircraft has, so it is sure where it isn't.

Nevertheless, the aircraft is sure where it isn't (within reason) and it knows where it was. It now subtracts where it should be from where it isn't, where it ought to be from where it wasn't (or vice versa) and intergrates the difference with the product of where it shouldn't be and where it was; thus obtaining the difference between its deviation and its variation, which is variable constant called "error".

Actual bumper Stickers

Some dude I barely even know sent me this a few minutes ago, I was going to insult him for being a fucking spammer, but then I realized those bumper stickers are worth reading (or msot of them):

Actual Bumper Stickers

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... ...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....

Montana --- At least our cows are sane!

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

It's WORSE than you think, and they ARE out to get you.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be

Assimilated. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

Bad Cop! No donut!

This acid must be good. It feels like I'm driving!

Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?

BBC and Bulgaria

I happened to find a post about Bulgaria on BBC a while ago and although it's pretty old I was pretty pleased to find it. You know why? Cause it's fucking hilarious... And it's not hilarious because it's a well made fiction, it's funny as hell cause it's a well told fact. Enjoy :o)

Transportation system toll collectors in Bulgaria.

...

010010010110011000100000011110010110111101110101 00100000011000110110000101101110001000000111001 00110010101100001011001000010000001110100011010 0001101001011100110010000001111001011011110111010 100100000011011100110010101100101011001000010000 0011101000110111100100000011001110110010101110100 001000000110110001100001011010010110010000101110

Positive side of things

I rarely find the time to post on my blog and even if I have the time to do so, I'm rarely in the mood to say something besides the link/text/picture so the chance for me to post daily declines geometrically; even though it's a tad late for me and I have nothing original or funny to say (again) I feel you should see this, because I strongly believe every person can reflect and learn from the man below:

[Actually, this isn't a joke - just a story I liked]

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good or bad mood. The bottom line : It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business.

We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination.

The robbers panicked and shot him.

Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, 'He's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

Francie Baltazar-Schwartz

When russians get drunk...

They end up like this guy.

Time to post something... Last post is so old, it seems to be written in latin.

The fun of flying!

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet,
which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read
and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower
half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot
reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said
that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some
actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by
Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By
the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.


(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

NEVER FOLLOW - Audi quattro